Saturday, October 27, 2007


Check out my new myspace pics... there aren't very many of them but the one's I do have are interesting. Since no one read's my blog then I don't really expect anyone to go and look.. oh well. Jesus still loves me I guess.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

So It's been a while

So it's been a while since I posted anything and I really don't have anything to say.. so .. yea.. I'm like really really busy with stuff and I am exhausted... it's great.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

So far away

Do you ever feel so far away from God? I'm not even sure why that it happens but when it does you kinda feel lonely. And the worst part is.. your friends.. or those you thought were your friends.. aren't talking to you because they have a trillion other things to do and would rather sit down and watch some stupid movie then talk to you about important life changing crap. ... This is such a mess. yet through it all... God has blessed me.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Learning to read... Why was it so hard?

I remember when I was in the first grade and my teacher told the class, "You all will be learning to read this year." I'm not sure if i was excited or just didn't care but i never managed to learn to read/comprehend. why did they move me on? i'm not really sure. I had the same teacher for the second grade and that year he started a new reading system - there were 24 different tubs of books. the first tub had picture books, the second tub had mostly pictures and some words, the 10th tub was 1st grade reading which included more reading and less pictures, and if you could progress to the 24th tub you would be at 6th grade reading level. somehow, I never got past the 8th tub and what I didn't understand.
There was this kid in my class that the teacher had to make extra tubs for and by the end of the second grade he was on tub 32 (somthing like 8th grade reading level). I must have looked really stupid compared to him.
What people don't realize is that when I was in elementary school I was very very quiet. I was one of those kids at the grocery store that would hide behind their mother's leg if someone got too close. So, I mostly absorbed the world around me and I got through school that way. I mostly didn't do my homework and it drove my teachers crazy. I never ever volunteered to read out loud in class because i was afraid the other kids would laugh at me. Well, why wasnt I pushed in a direction of wanting to read. I hated reading and I couldn't understand how people could enjoy it (sometimes I still can't understand how people can sit down and read a whole novel for fun). It wasn't until I was a freshman in high school that I realized that I could read.
On september 11th 2002, I was sitting in my bedroom thinking about going back to Power House (Cedar Park's Youth Group). I hadn't been there in a while and I the affects of the 1 year aniversy of 9-11 were taking up much of my thoughts. Of course the obnoxious question had come up in my brain "If God love's us why would he let that sort of thing happen." Soon after that I had decided that I probably couldn't answer such a question. I'd looked over to see the clock...7:06. I ran exidedly down the stairs "MOM!!! Will you take me to Power House?!" I was suprized at my disapointment when she'd said no. "Next week then.." I mumbled as I walked away. When next week came I called the potter family to get a ride to power house. I don't remember what the message was but I do remember that whoever was speaking gave a call to pray the sinners prayer and afterward they said "If you said that prayer tonight then you are right with God...ect..."
The next day at school We were supposed to read a hand out about religions or somthing and I was staring at the sheet with discontent as always. The teacher had come over to me and said "you havn't answered any of your questions..." "maybe I just don't understand what they mean... what is.." he explained it to me and somehow I still missed it. A friend of mine was reading hers and I said "I don't understand what this means, can you help me?" After a little bit of a shove from her I realized that I could read what was in front of me and I liked it. I was so shocked I said "hey, I understand this! I know what this says!" she looked at me as if I had gone bonkers but I was pretty happy. It took me 9 years to learn how to read and comprehend things. After that I pretty much enjoyed reading

Well, Can I attribute my learning to read to realizing I was desperate for somthing more than me or maybe it is just a coincidental order of events?? I dunno but There is definetly more to reading then meets the eye (no punn intended).

(I only bring this up because I am learning to read Hebrew and it is comming along way better then English ever did.)

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Less than nothing

This blog is on my MYSPACE but I thought I'd post it here too.

My parents have two foster children. One of them is 9-months-old and the other is 5-months-old. When my parents got the 9-month-old he couldn't really do anything. He was about 5 months behind normal development... then he learned all that stuff (like how to sit up, stand, eat mashed food, crawl...ect.) in 45 days! Well my parent's got this 5-month-old about a week and a half ago. The 9-month-old crawls over to the 5-month-old and rubs his head. The 9-month-old doesn't realize that he is a baby. He sometimes looks at the 5-month-old sucking on his bottle and then takes the bottle out of his own mouth and looks at it with curiosity. He is most likely thinking "well, the baby gets a bottle... I get a bottle too." It is odd that he is a baby but he doesn't look at himself as a baby.

The complexities of the human mind are fun to look at. Take memory for example - if you ask someone to recall their very first memory they can normally tell you how old they were and what happened. How does our brain know "this is your first memory!" why do we pick out that memory above other memories we might have? Even mentioning this first memory example may have had you recalling your very first memory without even seeming to think too hard about it.

Our thoughts are so complex. Even this very thought about our thoughts being complex is a complex thought. It is our thoughts that cause us to think about the universe. Our thoughts can cause us to do the simplest things like comb out hair but they can also cause us to do the most complicated things. It is our thoughts that cause us to come to some conclusion about God. It is because of our thoughts that we make decisions. They way we think cause our personality.

Most importantly, I must point out that I am not doing this thought about the complexity of our thoughts justice. There is no way that I could explain what I am thinking in a way that completely explains my thought process behind this one thought about thought. (If you understand that sentence you probably understand my thought.)

On top of these thought about thoughts, I was thinking about God and God's thoughts. To think that our thoughts are SO complex and how much BIGGER is God than I. Why did God give us such complex minds yet we still cannot understand the complexity of God himself. This only proves how much BIGGER God is … He is bigger then anything we could imagine or think of.

Psalm 139:13-19 (NLT)

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother's womb.
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.

How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
They cannot be numbered!
I can't even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
you are still with me!

Thursday, October 4, 2007

The Dark, The Pajamas, The Irony

So last night it was dark and I decided to put on my pajamas but I couldn't tell if they were inside out or what. and I thought "well it doesn't matter that much does it?" but really... who wants to wear their pajama's inside out? so after trying to figure it out for about 5 minutes I turned on the light and of course... I could see that they weren't inside-out.

The irony of this is that i can find a way to relate this with our walk with God. If we don't have the light we can't see if we are wearing our pajamas (lives) inside out/backwards or whatever. When we have God's light we can see... without it we can't. pretty basic but kinda funny.