School, Popularity, and Bible College

I always find it interesting that I have never been that popular. I've always had 1 good solid friend and normally not many others. My first friend was Mary. I was in kindergarten so how good of friends could we have been? I switched schools in the first grade and made a new friend, Michelle. We were friends for a while and she lived near by. I was a quiet, timid little girl and I just followed Michelle around. But after the 2nd grade I changed schools again. I didn't make any friends this time but found an old one, Mary! We were friends for a couple years but she found out that I wasn't very popular and decided to ditch me. I met Bethany when I was in the 4th Grade. She went to a Private School and I went to a Public School. This didn't stop us from being friends. Sometimes I was very adamant about our being friends while I wasn't sure if she was. "Bethany's my best friend!" I'd exclaim. The truth is, she was the best friend I had ever had at that point. Then of course there are other 1 persons along the way. I couldn't figure out why I only had one friend at a time. I either have one person who I am really getting along with or no one at all. And then of course there's Andrea Jordan. The Jordan family is so great. Andrea explained to me at a time "The other kid's are so excited about you... They say 'Brooke is our friend!'" haha

well atleast I have a group of friends somewhere. I went over to the Jordan's house over the summer and the kids all said "why haven't you come to visit all summer?!" I simply said that I hadn't been invited. This flabbergasted one of them who said "You should know by now that you don't need an invitation to come to our house!" It was as if I had never gone away to school but that I had simply forgotten to visit. This was a nice feeling :)

So now I am here in bible college, for some reason I feel as if I just don't fit in. When I was in community college popularity was not a big deal. you could talk to anyone of any status. but this bible college is small and the disunity among is so.. well.. dis-unifying. I sometimes wonder, if I went to a bigger college would I find a group to fit in with? Does everyone feel this way? I think maybe I have gotten used to it. I find myself thinking that I belong and let down when I realize I don't. Even people I consider my "friends" seem to push me away when other are around.

GAH

My ministry plan?

I spent this weekend writing up my ministry plan for a class I am taking. It's 8 pages long. now all i want to do is get started. I'll be here till may 2009, that's not so far away right?

The Custodian and the windows

For those of you who don't know, I am the custodian at my church. Yep me. well i have a little rant about windows... THEY ARE ALWAYS DIRTY. If your church has glass doors, do your custodian a favor and don't touch the glass! There is a reason there is a bar; your supposed to push on it instead of the glass. I know this bar thing is a slightly pushy concept (NPI) but honestly, if you can't figure out how to use one, wait for usher (who will hopefully use the bar) to help you. I understand that while pushing the bar your hands may come in contact with the nice clean windows. That is okay. What I don't understand is why it looks like a very tall person was locked into the church and couldn't get out so they left a long hand smudge from the top of the glass to the push bar. I'm not saying this happened just once. no, this happens every week without a doubt.
Oh and... don't kiss my nice clean windows either! that's just gross.
Alright, well that's my rant. i have nothing more to say about the windows (except I will hunt you down if you dare to lick my windows).

The Flu

I have the flu!!!! can you believe that.. barfing sucks

Happy Thanksgiving

I am going to some friends house. It's gonna be way fun. I am totally excited to pig out on thanxgiving food. yum yum... thanksgiving is amazing

Time

Where does it go? I don't seem to have enough of it. I am sooooo busy all the time. sooo much homework. I have gotten so far behind. I dont even know what to do with my time.

On another note.. we had a turkey dinner at school today and it was YUMMMY...

Randy Estelle

Randy Estell was so funny! Great piano player too! The gala was great. Now all I have to do is get ready for... everything else... wedding... ladies Tea... the Play... and finals! soooooo much to do

GALA!!!

Gala night. Hopefully it all goes well!!!

Death and Life...

Isn't it interesting when someone dies and you think about their life? The fact that they aren't going to be around really has more affect on us then what they will do now that their dead. It's the nothingness they will now do as compared to the things they did do. Yet, If there was someone who really didn't do anything good when they were alive then they may not be missed. The things we miss are the things that changed our hearts or made an impact or things like that. Focusing on their life makes us sad. (It is interesting how the death of a man you barely know can make you wonder about all these things.) It kind of makes me wish I had known him better... but would that have made any difference? probably not. because after we die, we aren't worrying about the things of our life on earth. we aren't going to say "so-in-so said this-n-that to me and it really made me happy."
This man now gets the privilege of staring Jesus in the eyes. Thus, the tragedy is neither his life or death, yet both are a celebration.

But what about those people that never get spoken to about Jesus. Are they going to take all their good deeds to God and say "please let me in..." Death is coming for ALL OF US. yes.. ALL of us. we can't stop it. Yes, it's good for us because we know the truth but what about the other billions of people on this plannet? I remember a tragedy of a young boy (16) who died from meningitis. He was only grade behind me in school and I didn't really know him that well. (but I knew his sister.) A COMPETE AND UTTER tragedy! Tragedy in this young boy's life and death. Upon hearing the truth about Jesus refused to accept it and then dying only to his own condemnation. Am I the only one who sees something wrong with that picture? If only someone had been persistent? could God have changed his life? BLEH. it should make Christians SICK to hear that people are dying and being condemned. but it doesn't.... <- that makes me sick....

Approaching a Perfect King

A great blog/thought will go here. I was thinking of writing about God's kingship for my attributes paper for theology so I want to save this to remind me to post it later. that way it doesn't look like I'm stealing from myself.. I'd have to cite myself or something random. so yea.. soon to be edited...

What a Wreck

God is wrecking me again.. I can only weep so much right? maybe not. My words cannot explain how amazed I am by our holy King. what could I say that would even do His majesty justice. I guess you will have to experience for yourself....

Kid's church

I have been SOOO busy with kids church and stuff. Trunk-or-treat, chili cook-off, halloween, saturday service, KC Crew and sunday service. I don't even know how I am still sane thinking of it all..

MYSPACE

Check out my new myspace pics... there aren't very many of them but the one's I do have are interesting. Since no one read's my blog then I don't really expect anyone to go and look.. oh well. Jesus still loves me I guess.

http://myspace.com/brooksiebrooke

So It's been a while

So it's been a while since I posted anything and I really don't have anything to say.. so .. yea.. I'm like really really busy with stuff and I am exhausted... it's great.

So far away

Do you ever feel so far away from God? I'm not even sure why that it happens but when it does you kinda feel lonely. And the worst part is.. your friends.. or those you thought were your friends.. aren't talking to you because they have a trillion other things to do and would rather sit down and watch some stupid movie then talk to you about important life changing crap. ... This is such a mess. yet through it all... God has blessed me.

Learning to read... Why was it so hard?

I remember when I was in the first grade and my teacher told the class, "You all will be learning to read this year." I'm not sure if i was excited or just didn't care but i never managed to learn to read/comprehend. why did they move me on? i'm not really sure. I had the same teacher for the second grade and that year he started a new reading system - there were 24 different tubs of books. the first tub had picture books, the second tub had mostly pictures and some words, the 10th tub was 1st grade reading which included more reading and less pictures, and if you could progress to the 24th tub you would be at 6th grade reading level. somehow, I never got past the 8th tub and what I didn't understand.
There was this kid in my class that the teacher had to make extra tubs for and by the end of the second grade he was on tub 32 (somthing like 8th grade reading level). I must have looked really stupid compared to him.
What people don't realize is that when I was in elementary school I was very very quiet. I was one of those kids at the grocery store that would hide behind their mother's leg if someone got too close. So, I mostly absorbed the world around me and I got through school that way. I mostly didn't do my homework and it drove my teachers crazy. I never ever volunteered to read out loud in class because i was afraid the other kids would laugh at me. Well, why wasnt I pushed in a direction of wanting to read. I hated reading and I couldn't understand how people could enjoy it (sometimes I still can't understand how people can sit down and read a whole novel for fun). It wasn't until I was a freshman in high school that I realized that I could read.
On september 11th 2002, I was sitting in my bedroom thinking about going back to Power House (Cedar Park's Youth Group). I hadn't been there in a while and I the affects of the 1 year aniversy of 9-11 were taking up much of my thoughts. Of course the obnoxious question had come up in my brain "If God love's us why would he let that sort of thing happen." Soon after that I had decided that I probably couldn't answer such a question. I'd looked over to see the clock...7:06. I ran exidedly down the stairs "MOM!!! Will you take me to Power House?!" I was suprized at my disapointment when she'd said no. "Next week then.." I mumbled as I walked away. When next week came I called the potter family to get a ride to power house. I don't remember what the message was but I do remember that whoever was speaking gave a call to pray the sinners prayer and afterward they said "If you said that prayer tonight then you are right with God...ect..."
The next day at school We were supposed to read a hand out about religions or somthing and I was staring at the sheet with discontent as always. The teacher had come over to me and said "you havn't answered any of your questions..." "maybe I just don't understand what they mean... what is.. Jus.ti.fi.cay.shon" he explained it to me and somehow I still missed it. A friend of mine was reading hers and I said "I don't understand what this means, can you help me?" After a little bit of a shove from her I realized that I could read what was in front of me and I liked it. I was so shocked I said "hey, I understand this! I know what this says!" she looked at me as if I had gone bonkers but I was pretty happy. It took me 9 years to learn how to read and comprehend things. After that I pretty much enjoyed reading

Well, Can I attribute my learning to read to realizing I was desperate for somthing more than me or maybe it is just a coincidental order of events?? I dunno but There is definetly more to reading then meets the eye (no punn intended).

(I only bring this up because I am learning to read Hebrew and it is comming along way better then English ever did.)

Less than nothing

This blog is on my MYSPACE but I thought I'd post it here too.
_________________________________________

My parents have two foster children. One of them is 9-months-old and the other is 5-months-old. When my parents got the 9-month-old he couldn't really do anything. He was about 5 months behind normal development... then he learned all that stuff (like how to sit up, stand, eat mashed food, crawl...ect.) in 45 days! Well my parent's got this 5-month-old about a week and a half ago. The 9-month-old crawls over to the 5-month-old and rubs his head. The 9-month-old doesn't realize that he is a baby. He sometimes looks at the 5-month-old sucking on his bottle and then takes the bottle out of his own mouth and looks at it with curiosity. He is most likely thinking "well, the baby gets a bottle... I get a bottle too." It is odd that he is a baby but he doesn't look at himself as a baby.

The complexities of the human mind are fun to look at. Take memory for example - if you ask someone to recall their very first memory they can normally tell you how old they were and what happened. How does our brain know "this is your first memory!" why do we pick out that memory above other memories we might have? Even mentioning this first memory example may have had you recalling your very first memory without even seeming to think too hard about it.

Our thoughts are so complex. Even this very thought about our thoughts being complex is a complex thought. It is our thoughts that cause us to think about the universe. Our thoughts can cause us to do the simplest things like comb out hair but they can also cause us to do the most complicated things. It is our thoughts that cause us to come to some conclusion about God. It is because of our thoughts that we make decisions. They way we think cause our personality.

Most importantly, I must point out that I am not doing this thought about the complexity of our thoughts justice. There is no way that I could explain what I am thinking in a way that completely explains my thought process behind this one thought about thought. (If you understand that sentence you probably understand my thought.)

On top of these thought about thoughts, I was thinking about God and God's thoughts. To think that our thoughts are SO complex and how much BIGGER is God than I. Why did God give us such complex minds yet we still cannot understand the complexity of God himself. This only proves how much BIGGER God is … He is bigger then anything we could imagine or think of.

Psalm 139:13-19 (NLT)

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother's womb.
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.

How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
They cannot be numbered!
I can't even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
you are still with me!

The Dark, The Pajamas, The Irony

So last night it was dark and I decided to put on my pajamas but I couldn't tell if they were inside out or what. and I thought "well it doesn't matter that much does it?" but really... who wants to wear their pajama's inside out? so after trying to figure it out for about 5 minutes I turned on the light and of course... I could see that they weren't inside-out.

The irony of this is that i can find a way to relate this with our walk with God. If we don't have the light we can't see if we are wearing our pajamas (lives) inside out/backwards or whatever. When we have God's light we can see... without it we can't. pretty basic but kinda funny.

stress and Bloody noses

So I guess I am kinda stressed out. My nose is bleeding like everyday. and I think I am gonna quit my job at GWAYO. Kinda sad but I dunno what else to do. And I am off my asthma med simply because I am not sure how I am gonna pay for them. Ya know? so anyway. Thus is life

Stupid Prayers vs. Selfish Prayers

Is there such thing as a stupid prayer? In every class it seems like we pray "Jesus please come bless our class..." or whatever and it just seems monotonous. I don't believe it's stupid to ask for God's blessing but It seems like we are praying for something that God is already doing...

One day in Impact Youth Choir (Cedar Park) Jeremy lead us in prayer and we repeated the worlds "God, Bless me!" after him. "How many people think that's a selfish prayer?" he asked. After some responses he said "Good! 'Cause it is!"
I had never thought about asking God to bless me in such a way before. why not? Because it's selfish? Or because praying this would only make me feel as if I didn't believe God was blessing me to begin with? and if this is the case then does it make this prayer stupid?

Interestingly enough, I have been thinking about whether prayer actually makes a difference. If prayer doesn't make a difference why do it? why fellowship with God if it doesn't affect our lives? The fact is that God DOES listen to our petitions. Prayer makes a huge difference. James 4:2 says "...you do not have, because you do not ask God." Isn't that interesting. There are so many people that complain about God not providing or blessing them but they haven't asked God to do so. God answers our prayers. Here's a thought: If we do not pray for our nation's salvation, are we at fault?

When we pray God hears us.... so yea

LIFE SCHEDULE

8:30 - 9:45 ~ Administration and Organization
9:55 - 10:45 ~ Hermeneutics
10:55 - 11:45 ~ Chapel (required)
11:55 -12:20 ~ Lunch
12:30 - 1:45 ~ Pastoral Counseling
1:55 -3:10 ~ Theology
3:15 - 7:15 ~ GWAYO (work)
7:15 - 9:00ish ~ Church Custodial work
9:00 - whenever I Fall Asleep ~ Homework, Dinner (maybe), shower? Prayer? Life?

The "Streak-Free" Cleaner

So I clean the church windows with this Walmart "streak-free" cleaner but I had to wash the windows like 8 times because the cleaner isn't really streak free.

Of course I had to parallel this with our lives as Christians. So many times we choose to use our "streak free" cleaner and think we are clean yet we refuse to recognize Jesus to our every day lives. Not say that you have to recognize Jesus every day to be 'clean' but I am so aware of those Christians who live as if they are streak free but they are not. They are using the Walmart cleaner.

We need to use Windex and easily clean all our spots (Of course this is Jesus in my metaphor). All we have to do is seek Jesus and he washes us like Windex washes windows. ;)

God is BIGGER

God is SOOOO good. That's all I can say.

I Hate Movies

Actually I like a lot of movies. Here is what I don't like about movies... THEY ARE CONSUMING MY SCHOOL! People watch these movies and they don't stop at one (a day) they keep watching. AND THEN you have to hear them complain about how much homework they have to do. First of all, watching movies is not a good obsession to have and is not only mentally unhealthy but physically unhealthy as well. I am not a fan of this movie addiction. I do not feel that movies are an appropriate or valid form of fellowship.. at least not in the amount that they are being watched right now. A movie now and again is cool with me... but this obsession is really getting to me. I have to voice out whats on my mind right now.
I am not saying this because I have no one to hang out with right now ( I have tons of homework to do) but I am saying it because it needs to be said. I can do nothing about this over excessive movie watching but boycott them (which really doesn't do anything). I am sickened by it is all.. FLEH

Miss

I miss the family.. Yep. Maybe it's just because I am tired

oh how I love

SOO. Kids Church is like so awesome! I love kids and even though I don't really do very much right now and I am not "SO" involved... I just like being with them. I love seeing kids praise God. I think we had a total of 35 kids this week so thats pretty good.

It's Been a While

It's been a while since i posted anything so I just I would post somthing genaric to say "I'm STILL ALIVE". I know that no body responds but maybe, just maybe there is someone out there who is reading this.

It's A New Season

So Pastor Jeff is leaving to go to another church. I think its great that he is following the call of God on his life.
Nick is really really sad and I am not necessarily sad that Jeff is leaving but I am sad that Nick is sad that Jeff is leaving. I know everything happens for a reason but sometimes 13 year olds don't understand that everything works out for God's good. I did get a chance to give Nick some examples about how good things have happened out of change and tried to explain how every season is a new season and a chance to grow.
I do believe that Nick is an anointed young man of God and he is gonna do great things for God. I hope and pray that this is an opportunity for Nick to grow.

Finally Got Internet

So I guess there was a tornado in our area on Thursday afternoon and all the places around us have no power (and neither did we) so after our power went back on.. no internet. and now its back.. so I can check my mail again WEEEE.

Here I come!

In about 19 hours I will be departing from Seattle heading for Chicagoland. It's a bitter sweet feeling. I love my family so much and I do not want to leave them but I cannot wait to get back to school and to get back to my life. I know I will cry and that I am sad but I also know that better things await for me in the future.

Kid's Change EVERYTHING

Here's a funny joke that really shows how kid's really do change everything.

__________________________________________________________
One day a little boy was sitting on a park bench reading his bible and praising God "Hallelujah, Wow God, you are so awesome." A passerby heard the child and sat down next to him,

"Why are you praising God for, young man?"

"Because," said the boy pointing at the reference in his bible, "God parted the Red Sea so all the Israelites could cross to the other side!"

"Well," the man snorted, "that was a long time ago. Evolution proves that the Red Sea would only have been 6inches at that time.” The man stood up to leave and the boy began praising God again.

"Wow God, you are sow awesome! Hallelujah!"

Upon hearing this, the man turned around and said, "Why are you praising God now?"

The little boy looked at his bible, then to the man.... "God drowned a whole Egyptian army in 6 inches of water!!!"

Nintendo DS Lite - - $129.00

I really want a Nintendo DS lite. It's $129. Yep 129 United State Dollars. Can I justify buying one and a game if I don't have money to pay for school? I really want one. oh the shame. I have this deep desire.. oh what should I do?

Foster Kids/Foster Families

So we've had these two foster babies like all summer. Now, one of them is leaving and I am absolutely heart broken. I love him so much. I guess we just gotta move on with our lives. This sucks.
what now?

Sitting in the Playpen Smokin' a Graham cracker

I was just thinking about how funny kids are. This little boy that I watch was talking to me about whatever it is that seven-year-old-boys talk about (mostly toys) and he mentioned the word "church" or I thought it was "church" but he had really said "turch."
"What's a 'turch'?" I asked him.
"You know.. 'a turch'!" he replied...
sounds like a sneeze to me.. you know.. "AAAaaa TURCH" okay.. maybe not quite.
So He continues to tell me what a 'turch' is and I said "Oh you mean 'Church'?"
"Yea that's what I said.. 'a turch'."
"A Church?"
"Right, a turch."
and no matter how many times I tried to convince him that it is pronounced "church" he still called it a 'turch'.

Okay so maybe this isn't the funniest thing I ever heard a kid say but the other things just aren't appropriate.
Sometimes I wonder about the way kids perceive things. They are a lot smarter then we give them credit for. They understand what is said whether or not we say it directly to them. that is something I have learned about kids - they are like little sponges and soak up everything you say (even if it seems like they aren't listening.) And they great thing about kids is that they are humble. They realize that they don't know everything and rely on older brothers, sisters, mom's, dad's, grandma's, grandpa's, babysitters, teacher, ect. to set them straight on what is and isn't true about the world. But what is the key to those hard questions like "where do babies come from?" why lie to them? Sure, they're only smokin' graham crackers but they can't stay innocent forever.

Sitting in the Playpen Smokin