I don't want to run power point! I want to worship God!

"I don't want to do power point! I want to worship God!"

I used this phrase on a Tuesday Morning (chapel service), that happened to be an all worship service. I just want to make a few points before I move on:

(1) We don't need power point to worship God
(2) Every Person in our school knows the words to the songs we’re are singing (I can make this assertion because of the school's small size) thus power point is pointless.
(3) I didn't see anyone else volunteering their services while I was being forced...

Okay, so I started to feel indignant, "Why should I have to run power point?! I want to worship! If I knew I was going to get stuck running PowerPoint I wouldn't have even bother coming to chapel!

It has been a week since that incident and yet I am still curious as to why it peeved me so. Am I not able to worship God at anytime? So what’s the big deal!?

In fact, I am still slightly peeved over the matter… and I’m not really sure why.

Anger is such a curious thing in my life. I think about how far I have come from my “angry days” (Andrea can probably tell stories of such days….)

I have realized that sadness plays a BIG part in my anger-ness. I think “Why the heck am I soooo angry!?” But it is based on sadness. All I have to do is figure out what I am sad about and leave it at the cross… then **vwala!** no more anger! (Yea right! It has taken many ears to come to the realization and is still a work in progress.) God has really dealt with one depression at a time. He has revealed things to me through my questions, “What is this? Why that? Why does this happen? Ect.” And having to do the hardest thing… being open to the Holy Spirit’s change for/in my life.

So, back to that PowerPoint thing. Is the PowerPoint situation one of those angry moments. Perhaps a, I just need something to be angry at and this is the first thing that came my way… type of a thing? Is my sadness masquerading itself as anger again? Or am I really ticked about the PowerPoint taking the place of worship?

School, Popularity, and Bible College

I always find it interesting that I have never been that popular. I've always had 1 good solid friend and normally not many others. My first friend was Mary. I was in kindergarten so how good of friends could we have been? I switched schools in the first grade and made a new friend, Michelle. We were friends for a while and she lived near by. I was a quiet, timid little girl and I just followed Michelle around. But after the 2nd grade I changed schools again. I didn't make any friends this time but found an old one, Mary! We were friends for a couple years but she found out that I wasn't very popular and decided to ditch me. I met Bethany when I was in the 4th Grade. She went to a Private School and I went to a Public School. This didn't stop us from being friends. Sometimes I was very adamant about our being friends while I wasn't sure if she was. "Bethany's my best friend!" I'd exclaim. The truth is, she was the best friend I had ever had at that point. Then of course there are other 1 persons along the way. I couldn't figure out why I only had one friend at a time. I either have one person who I am really getting along with or no one at all. And then of course there's Andrea Jordan. The Jordan family is so great. Andrea explained to me at a time "The other kid's are so excited about you... They say 'Brooke is our friend!'" haha

well atleast I have a group of friends somewhere. I went over to the Jordan's house over the summer and the kids all said "why haven't you come to visit all summer?!" I simply said that I hadn't been invited. This flabbergasted one of them who said "You should know by now that you don't need an invitation to come to our house!" It was as if I had never gone away to school but that I had simply forgotten to visit. This was a nice feeling :)

So now I am here in bible college, for some reason I feel as if I just don't fit in. When I was in community college popularity was not a big deal. you could talk to anyone of any status. but this bible college is small and the disunity among is so.. well.. dis-unifying. I sometimes wonder, if I went to a bigger college would I find a group to fit in with? Does everyone feel this way? I think maybe I have gotten used to it. I find myself thinking that I belong and let down when I realize I don't. Even people I consider my "friends" seem to push me away when other are around.

GAH

My ministry plan?

I spent this weekend writing up my ministry plan for a class I am taking. It's 8 pages long. now all i want to do is get started. I'll be here till may 2009, that's not so far away right?