School, Popularity, and Bible College

I always find it interesting that I have never been that popular. I've always had 1 good solid friend and normally not many others. My first friend was Mary. I was in kindergarten so how good of friends could we have been? I switched schools in the first grade and made a new friend, Michelle. We were friends for a while and she lived near by. I was a quiet, timid little girl and I just followed Michelle around. But after the 2nd grade I changed schools again. I didn't make any friends this time but found an old one, Mary! We were friends for a couple years but she found out that I wasn't very popular and decided to ditch me. I met Bethany when I was in the 4th Grade. She went to a Private School and I went to a Public School. This didn't stop us from being friends. Sometimes I was very adamant about our being friends while I wasn't sure if she was. "Bethany's my best friend!" I'd exclaim. The truth is, she was the best friend I had ever had at that point. Then of course there are other 1 persons along the way. I couldn't figure out why I only had one friend at a time. I either have one person who I am really getting along with or no one at all. And then of course there's Andrea Jordan. The Jordan family is so great. Andrea explained to me at a time "The other kid's are so excited about you... They say 'Brooke is our friend!'" haha

well atleast I have a group of friends somewhere. I went over to the Jordan's house over the summer and the kids all said "why haven't you come to visit all summer?!" I simply said that I hadn't been invited. This flabbergasted one of them who said "You should know by now that you don't need an invitation to come to our house!" It was as if I had never gone away to school but that I had simply forgotten to visit. This was a nice feeling :)

So now I am here in bible college, for some reason I feel as if I just don't fit in. When I was in community college popularity was not a big deal. you could talk to anyone of any status. but this bible college is small and the disunity among is so.. well.. dis-unifying. I sometimes wonder, if I went to a bigger college would I find a group to fit in with? Does everyone feel this way? I think maybe I have gotten used to it. I find myself thinking that I belong and let down when I realize I don't. Even people I consider my "friends" seem to push me away when other are around.

GAH