Saturday, November 22, 2008

Giving up Control

After considering that I may have an issue with control, I have been trying to not let issues of that subject bother me. For example, my roommates can do many things that just drive me up the wall - But instead of acting in anger I am beginning to ask, Why do they drive me up the wall? because I think I'm right? or because I think she's stupid? or because I am trying to control a situation?

At Torch someone brought up the idea that they tried to control their life through eating habits ( not an uncommon thing for girls to do)... so how do I control my life? I know this sounds stupid... through organization. Since all this BLEH with Paris, and Alex and Tyanne being removed from my parents home (situations that I cannot control), etc, I have organized my room, my books (and I have a LOT of books), my kidz stuff, and my room is clean almost every night. HOWEVER, things that normally are organized are not so much, like school, homework, my closet, guitar, custodial, and relationships. I snap at Veronica and Kris a lot more recently but Kris has given me much, undeserved grace.

I also play games to preoccupy my mind: Card games, computer games, Nintendo games (mostly Guitar Hero).

I know that there are many things that I cannot control and many things I should give up control. It is hard sometimes to say, "I AM NOT IN CONTROL". I know that God reigns.. So why do I have to be so controlling?

When a situation arises between me and another person, instead of blowing that person off my mind by saying, "what an idiot," i am retraining my thinking; "now why did that happen? is it me? is it them?" I realized that everyone is fighting for control. it is the reason so many people don't get along. Everyone seems to be fighting for control: if even for just a little - a battle, (war even) for something that doesn't even belong to us. Everyone wants it but the only way to get it is to steal it from God.


Anonymous said...

i appreciate your transparency with the areas of weakness you have dealt with in life. Godbless you as you continue to grow in His Spirit!

Daniel James

Skipper said...

you can control me, be like "hey i am putting the chocolate over here, walk over here" i'll be like Yes ma'am!

psyched for you getting back here! geeeez.