The power of a child's "why"

It's been a while since I've posted.

I've been thinking about some stuff.
One day a small child was talking with me. He wanted to know why I was sad. He asked me "Why". After I explained that I was sad because I missed my family, he asked me "why" again. Now, when a four year old does this most people think it is incredible annoying. But this just made me want to dig deeper. There is something clear that the LORD wanted me to dig out of my heart.
O the things you discover if you just dig deep enough.

I remember something Pastor Daryl told us once. Everyone has an 'X-Factor'. What's in my X-Factor? What are the things that only God knows about me... how can I change and become a better person for the LORD? A stronger woman of God?

Children are very inquisitive and the things they say can sometimes be power enough to spark a change in ones life.. if this little guy had never asked me why, would i ever think of asking my self "why" and dig for the x-factor?

While Paul says to leave our childless acts behind us, I wonder if you first have to think like a child to do so. Jesus said " I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like a little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. therefore whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." (Matthew 18:3-4)



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Why do I do what I do?

So there was a huge wedding at my church today. Being the custodian, I am responsible for cleaning the building before and after the wedding. Now this wedding was giant. There were fancy lights and nice/contemporary music and of course.. Confetti Cannons! Confetti was EVERYWHERE. But I loved it! And I loved it the most because it was my friend's (Melanie and Steve's) wedding.

HOWEVER, had this been another person's wedding (or just a wedding for none whom I know), cleaning up that confetti would have bothered me. I would have complained and moaned about the inconvenience. I might have even posted a blog about it. But as I was cleaning the church and vacuuming up all that confetti, I found great joy. The work wasn't hard, and I had no desire to complain at all. I started thinking, "If only I felt this way about cleaning the church all the time." My willingness to clean the church for this wedding was at an all time high! and it was my heart's desire to prepare for it. Then started plotting to trick myself into thinking that I was always cleaning the church for Melanie's wedding.. because then cleaning the church would always be a joy, right?

Colossians 3:23 says, "Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you are working for the Lord rather than for people." (NLT)

I was starting to change this to "Work willingly at whatever you do as though you are working for melanie...." haha But here's the cool thing. If I can have joy about blessing melanie by cleaning the church, How much more joy can I have by doing it for the LORD?

Urgent or Important?

I took a class called Administration and Organization. yes it was as boring as it sounds... But I did learn some useful things. One of those things was how to tell to tell the difference between something that is urgent and something that is important. Something that is important may not necessarily be urgent and visaversa. There are times however when something is important and urgent or even times when something is neither.

Here's an example of a time when someone misunderstood the difference between urgent and important: I got a trillion (obvious exaggeration for effect) phone calls at a time when I was busy. The same person kept calling me over and over and over. I was wondering if i should get up and take the call but as the person wasn't leaving any messages (and I wasn't sure about the number) i decided to ignore it. Then I started getting these text pages, "Urgent call" and "please call me". The person was finally left me a message and I was able to step out at a convenient time to listen. When I listened to the message, not only was I relieved that nothing was wrong, but I was perturbed that this person would try and contact me so urgently for what seemed like a relatively small reason.

Though the matter may have been important it wasnt urgent enough to enduce a trillion phone calls and text messages.

Actually, if people focused on the difference between urgentness and importantness they would learn better time management skills, and they would feel less stressed. well.. I learned that the hard way through procrastination. anyway.

thats my rant.

What's Grandpa Saying?

When my dad called me on March 18th to tell me that my grandfather was in the hospital and wasn't coming out, I was shocked. He'd overcome lung cancer and was well enough at Christmas to have a snowball fight. And now he's on his deathbed with brain cancer?!

He did come out of the hospital which is great. He was having black-outs and weird seizure things, So they decided to radiate the three major tumors in his brain (there isn't much they can do for the other tumors). These tumors will not go away.... and they will kill him. However, He seems to be doing much better. I am glad that I have come out to see him and be with him.

He had a priest come over and heard his confession and gave him communion. My grandfather said he didn't want to confess everything he'd done in the last 50 years since his last confession. That gave the priest the opportunity to direct him to the forgiveness and grace of Christ. Hallelujah.

The hardest thing is watching my relatives cry over this thing that will happen. Aunt's and Uncle's crying because their father is dying. My mom is beside herself. I sometimes have to beg her to go see him. When I see him he says, "bring your mom, your dad, and your sisters...". My sister Paris has been in utter denial. She refused to see him saying with certainty, "he will not die". Let's be realistic.

On Monday I took my sister Paris with me to visit him at his house (which now has a hospital bed in the living room). He didn't recognize her and said, "Who's your friend?" I said, "Grandpa, this is Paris." He hasn't been completely out of it but He does recognize his limits. He was making plans for the things he'd like to do in the summer.

Today my grandmother asked us to come stay with him for a while. She told us that he'd been very disoriented. And as we talked with him we noticed something changed. He was slurring more of his words. His face was very red and the tone of his talk changed. He wanted to tell us how he was sorry he hadn't spent more time with us and How he'd wished he had spent some of his time "making the world a better place". It sounded like he was saying good-bye. It was very surreal until He became suddenly become very dizzy and tired.

He also told us how much he appreciated my grandmother, "She takes such good care of me". He loves her soooo much. He started telling us about all the things that he appreciated. It really reminded me of this story that Leo Tolstoy called "The Death of Ivan Ilyich": This man had lived such a proper life and even though he had lived a good life he had been so selfish. In his family he saw that "their every word and movement confirmed to him the awful truth that had been revealed to him during the night. In them he saw himself — all that for which he had lived — and saw clearly that it was not real at all, but a terrible and huge deception which had hidden both life and death." He tries to share this revelation with his wife but she doesn't understand.

My grandfather, realizing his time is very short, seems to be doing the same. Showing his gratitude but also saying that he wants us to go out and change the world. Telling of the things he'd wished he'd done. His eyes have been opened and he shares it with everyone. If you knew you were going to die in a very short time what would you do? We go on expecting that we are going to have one more day. But 10/10 people die... every person's days are numbered.


"You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed." - Psalm 139:16

Is it possible?

I have these dreams that are SO real.
I used to think that my dreams were the reason I didn't sleep well. I would wake up in the morning after a full nights rest and be exhausted. But now I feel plenty rested and still remember most of my dreams. I have recently been taking my dreams more seriously and writing them down. Sometimes I write them down and i go back and read them I go "oh...." and other times I just think "well that was an interesting dream having to do with absolutely nothing." But mostly my dreams are just a curious thing of my mind for a long time meaning nothing until the time i look back on them. Is it possible that God is trying to speak to me though my dreams? maybe that's crazy?

Some of my dreams have very obvious meanings.

If God IS trying to speak to me through my dreams how do I know? When's God speaking to me? it's not like there are websites for these things...

Anyway... just an interesting concept. any ideas?

United we stand... Departed we fall.

"I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to one hope when you were called— one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all." - Ephesians 4:1-6.

If ever there was one thing I learned from being in Campus Crusade for Christ and Bellevue Community College it was that there were no more powerful times than when God's people (no matter denomination) came together to worship him. Lutherans, baptists, Pentecostals, it didn't matter, everyone was there to worship God and it was powerful. We loved each other and people who were not Christians saw our love for each other despite our differences. I remember times when we would all go and hang out at Jesse's house (a young man with 10 brothers and sisters who lived in a small 3 bedroom, one level house and a tiny little living room) and we would come together and worship God! I really believe that is the attitude the Lord desires from us. it's keeping unity. And because we were a unified body of believers (about 50 or so) we were able to see people come to the Lord and join our family.

Somehow the church has fallen away from his and separated themselves into different little bodies. It really bothers/hurts me to see lovers of the Lord pollute and dishonor the name other lovers because of their denomination: as if one denomination should be considered higher than another.

Maybe all of this falls under the issue of control or pride? Paul said "be completely humble...." if recognizing any christian denomination as equal to one's own means stepping on their pride then I guess that would make Paul's statement apply.

Jesus even prayed for this. Before he died he prayed that we'd be unified. "...I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me... May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me." (John 17) - Jesus also seemed to believe that this unity would be a light to the world of the gospel.

Well, What do you think? Maybe I'm a bit too harsh?

Influence

sometimes I wonder if I am influencing kids at all. One child has even stated that she will not attend KidzChurch because she doesn't like the way I teach. That makes me wonder what it is that I am doing that is so terrible. Or its possible that because there have been so many different children's ministers the last three years that it is hard to make another adjustment.

It's always encouraging to hear a child repeat something they learned 2 months ago. And yesterday I was babysitting about 10 regular attending kids and six of those 10 children were wearing mismatched socks! haha some influence, ey?

Giving up Control

After considering that I may have an issue with control, I have been trying to not let issues of that subject bother me. For example, my roommates can do many things that just drive me up the wall - But instead of acting in anger I am beginning to ask, Why do they drive me up the wall? because I think I'm right? or because I think she's stupid? or because I am trying to control a situation?

At Torch someone brought up the idea that they tried to control their life through eating habits ( not an uncommon thing for girls to do)... so how do I control my life? I know this sounds stupid... through organization. Since all this BLEH with Paris, and Alex and Tyanne being removed from my parents home (situations that I cannot control), etc, I have organized my room, my books (and I have a LOT of books), my kidz stuff, and my room is clean almost every night. HOWEVER, things that normally are organized are not so much, like school, homework, my closet, guitar, custodial, and relationships. I snap at Veronica and Kris a lot more recently but Kris has given me much, undeserved grace.

I also play games to preoccupy my mind: Card games, computer games, Nintendo games (mostly Guitar Hero).

I know that there are many things that I cannot control and many things I should give up control. It is hard sometimes to say, "I AM NOT IN CONTROL". I know that God reigns.. So why do I have to be so controlling?

When a situation arises between me and another person, instead of blowing that person off my mind by saying, "what an idiot," i am retraining my thinking; "now why did that happen? is it me? is it them?" I realized that everyone is fighting for control. it is the reason so many people don't get along. Everyone seems to be fighting for control: if even for just a little - a battle, (war even) for something that doesn't even belong to us. Everyone wants it but the only way to get it is to steal it from God.

Tastes Like Red

I brought these Tortilla chips to Pre-School for a snack: they were purple, red, and regular. They all tasted exactly the same. We gave each child a handful of chips, making sure each one received every color. An interesting thing began to happen - apparently the red chips tasted funny. I wanted to see what would happen, and sure enough, other preschoolers started having problems with various colors. Only one child said, "Hey! They all taste the same!," almost as if I had tricked him by giving him chips that all tasted the same. Only one other child affirmed that they did indeed all taste the same and argue his point.

I'm sure there is a biblical truth that can be added to this.. maybe you have some ideas?

The simple Meaning behind sciptures

I FINALLY got a sheet back from a child. I gave out these sheets with scriptures on them. They were practice sheets for Sword Drills (Bible Drills). All they had to do was write a one-liner about the scriptures listed and they'd receive a "prize". Weeks and Weeks went by and I hadn't received one. Well, after two months, I finally got a sheet back. There are some other interesting things I want to write about it but I left the sheet at church so I'll have to write about it once I actually have it in hand....

Update pending.

Snakes In a Gutter

I've been looking for more challenging games that we can play in Fusion (KidzChurch) because the Christmas Lights are going up in the gym this weeks and that means no more basketballs or dodge balls. So I went searching for some group games online and I found this game called "Snakes In a Gutter".

Two or three kids are chosen to stand on the half court line (as snakes) and they cannot move from it. Everyone else stands against the wall furthest from the half court line. Then all the kids yell "Snakes in the gutter!" and they run to the opposite side of the gym. If one gets tagged by a snake then they're a snake too and stand on the half court line.

So when I asked the kids if they wanted to play a new game this week, they all shouted, "NOOOOOO!!!" It was overwhelmingly negative. One kid even said, "I HATE games!" However, in my authority I made them play (I've never had to make kids play a game before!). After the first round the kids realized how much fun it was and wanted to try again. As the rounds progressed they were finding new ways to get around (under or over) the snakes without getting tagged. When time finally came to do somthing else, i could only pull them away by promising time to play again later.

Isn't it interesting how we think we hate somthing until we try it? Wouldn't it be just aweful of me to relate this to the election right now? Seriously though, the day after the election I thought my head was going to expload. There were so many people (instructors, students and all) with everything to say about Obama and what a shame it is that he will be our president. Personally, I don't really think that much on it. I know that God (the supreme authority) is in control and what ever happens happpens and He knows that it will happen. Romans 13:1-2 says, "Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authoritiey is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves..." So, just like those kids screaming "Nooo!" and "I hate, I hate!" after trying it they liked it. I'm not saying that it will turn out that way for us, but maybe God will bring somthing together. Maybe people will recognize their need for Jesus? Maybe God is preparing us for somthing yet to come? We don't know what God is doing here, and it would (and is) unfair for us to judge the man God is placing in authority.

Anyway, Back to the kids, I think we might have a new favorite game (instead of dodge ball). If anyone else has some fun games kids can play (about 20-25 children) the suggestion would be very appreciated.

Here Goes

So I was thinking about all these kids that come to kids church and just realizing what amazing things they say sometimes without even knowing it! (Esspecially preschoolers)!

I have to say, I was not terribly excited about starting to teach pre-schoolers on a weekly basis, but I've grown to like them. I know that God hasn't just called me to minister to kids between ages 6-11. I am excited to be learning so much about different age groups. I didn't realize how important this was until my cousin, Ashley, asked me for some advice about kids. Then after I answered I realized how much I've learned in such a short amount of time.

Anyway, Andrea started a blog that kind of shows her developement as a careerwomen and I thought maybe it would be fun for me to do the same (I hope she doesn't feel like this is a total violation of her idea). I have so much to say, maybe I just need an outlet.

Approaching a Perfect God

Why does God allow us to approch Him the way that we do? we just walk right up to Him and start telling Him what we'd like Him to do for us. What a way to apprroach a king! In Esther's day, you couldn't even come to the king unsummond, and if you did, you were killed. So why then do we approach our perfect king this way? God is so merciful and Just. He smiles and loves us and listens but He is in no way obligated to do what we ask yet we treat Him as if He is.

If I was going to approach a worldly king unsummoned I would prostrate myself and before him and beg him not to give me the death I so greatly deserve. "Have mercy! Please! Don't kill me!" I'd cry. The king may say (and would have the right to say) "why shouldn't I kill you!? You're slime and you dishonor(ed) me!" ~Oh yes. I have dishonored the king and deserve death. ~ A worldly king would have killed me before I even finished that thought.

If that is the way one would approach and imperfect man of this world then why would we approach a perfect, holy God in the way that we do? shouldn't we run before our king and fall on our face and pray, " God have mercy on me!" We are all unworthy of God's presence because we have all sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God - We deserve death.

When we come to God, we should (and must) humble ourselves before Him, recognizing that He is holy, and perfect. Then, and only when, He acknowledges us do we know that we are allowed to speak and plead our case before the king.

I don't want to run power point! I want to worship God!

"I don't want to do power point! I want to worship God!"

I used this phrase on a Tuesday Morning (chapel service), that happened to be an all worship service. I just want to make a few points before I move on:

(1) We don't need power point to worship God
(2) Every Person in our school knows the words to the songs we’re are singing (I can make this assertion because of the school's small size) thus power point is pointless.
(3) I didn't see anyone else volunteering their services while I was being forced...

Okay, so I started to feel indignant, "Why should I have to run power point?! I want to worship! If I knew I was going to get stuck running PowerPoint I wouldn't have even bother coming to chapel!

It has been a week since that incident and yet I am still curious as to why it peeved me so. Am I not able to worship God at anytime? So what’s the big deal!?

In fact, I am still slightly peeved over the matter… and I’m not really sure why.

Anger is such a curious thing in my life. I think about how far I have come from my “angry days” (Andrea can probably tell stories of such days….)

I have realized that sadness plays a BIG part in my anger-ness. I think “Why the heck am I soooo angry!?” But it is based on sadness. All I have to do is figure out what I am sad about and leave it at the cross… then **vwala!** no more anger! (Yea right! It has taken many ears to come to the realization and is still a work in progress.) God has really dealt with one depression at a time. He has revealed things to me through my questions, “What is this? Why that? Why does this happen? Ect.” And having to do the hardest thing… being open to the Holy Spirit’s change for/in my life.

So, back to that PowerPoint thing. Is the PowerPoint situation one of those angry moments. Perhaps a, I just need something to be angry at and this is the first thing that came my way… type of a thing? Is my sadness masquerading itself as anger again? Or am I really ticked about the PowerPoint taking the place of worship?

School, Popularity, and Bible College

I always find it interesting that I have never been that popular. I've always had 1 good solid friend and normally not many others. My first friend was Mary. I was in kindergarten so how good of friends could we have been? I switched schools in the first grade and made a new friend, Michelle. We were friends for a while and she lived near by. I was a quiet, timid little girl and I just followed Michelle around. But after the 2nd grade I changed schools again. I didn't make any friends this time but found an old one, Mary! We were friends for a couple years but she found out that I wasn't very popular and decided to ditch me. I met Bethany when I was in the 4th Grade. She went to a Private School and I went to a Public School. This didn't stop us from being friends. Sometimes I was very adamant about our being friends while I wasn't sure if she was. "Bethany's my best friend!" I'd exclaim. The truth is, she was the best friend I had ever had at that point. Then of course there are other 1 persons along the way. I couldn't figure out why I only had one friend at a time. I either have one person who I am really getting along with or no one at all. And then of course there's Andrea Jordan. The Jordan family is so great. Andrea explained to me at a time "The other kid's are so excited about you... They say 'Brooke is our friend!'" haha

well atleast I have a group of friends somewhere. I went over to the Jordan's house over the summer and the kids all said "why haven't you come to visit all summer?!" I simply said that I hadn't been invited. This flabbergasted one of them who said "You should know by now that you don't need an invitation to come to our house!" It was as if I had never gone away to school but that I had simply forgotten to visit. This was a nice feeling :)

So now I am here in bible college, for some reason I feel as if I just don't fit in. When I was in community college popularity was not a big deal. you could talk to anyone of any status. but this bible college is small and the disunity among is so.. well.. dis-unifying. I sometimes wonder, if I went to a bigger college would I find a group to fit in with? Does everyone feel this way? I think maybe I have gotten used to it. I find myself thinking that I belong and let down when I realize I don't. Even people I consider my "friends" seem to push me away when other are around.

GAH

My ministry plan?

I spent this weekend writing up my ministry plan for a class I am taking. It's 8 pages long. now all i want to do is get started. I'll be here till may 2009, that's not so far away right?

The Custodian and the windows

For those of you who don't know, I am the custodian at my church. Yep me. well i have a little rant about windows... THEY ARE ALWAYS DIRTY. If your church has glass doors, do your custodian a favor and don't touch the glass! There is a reason there is a bar; your supposed to push on it instead of the glass. I know this bar thing is a slightly pushy concept (NPI) but honestly, if you can't figure out how to use one, wait for usher (who will hopefully use the bar) to help you. I understand that while pushing the bar your hands may come in contact with the nice clean windows. That is okay. What I don't understand is why it looks like a very tall person was locked into the church and couldn't get out so they left a long hand smudge from the top of the glass to the push bar. I'm not saying this happened just once. no, this happens every week without a doubt.
Oh and... don't kiss my nice clean windows either! that's just gross.
Alright, well that's my rant. i have nothing more to say about the windows (except I will hunt you down if you dare to lick my windows).

The Flu

I have the flu!!!! can you believe that.. barfing sucks

Happy Thanksgiving

I am going to some friends house. It's gonna be way fun. I am totally excited to pig out on thanxgiving food. yum yum... thanksgiving is amazing

Time

Where does it go? I don't seem to have enough of it. I am sooooo busy all the time. sooo much homework. I have gotten so far behind. I dont even know what to do with my time.

On another note.. we had a turkey dinner at school today and it was YUMMMY...